Kaitlin’s Heart for Heroes
Our nation’s first responders are more likely to die of suicide than in the line of duty. The loving parents of Kaitlin Bergan aim to change that.
By Michael Judge
This weekend families from across the country will gather in Rockwall, Texas, just outside of Dallas, to unveil the only monument in America honoring first responders and military veterans lost to suicide: Heroes Memorial Park Monument. Among them will be my friends Lorena and Scott Bergan, loving parents who lost their brave and beautiful daughter, Kaitlin, a firefighter and paramedic, to suicide on April 27, 2022, after five years of service.
Kaitlin was just 27, engaged to be married, with, as they say, her whole life ahead of her. But, like so many first responders, she’d already experienced many lifetimes of death and disaster, and suffered from anxiety, depression, and PTSD. After she lost her fiancé, Jason Lang, a volunteer firefighter and EMT in training struck by a vehicle while assisting at the scene of an accident, she took her own life. As her mother told me in our recent conversation, Kaitlin, the more experienced of the two first responders, blamed herself for Jason’s death. “‘He passed away trying to help others,’ we told her. But Kaitlin blamed herself. ‘I didn’t teach him well enough to park to pull over,’ she said. ‘I knew I should have gone with him that day.’”
Kaitlin ended her life two months after Jason lost his.
These are the hardest conversations—those with people you know and care about who have suffered deeply. Having lost my brother John to mental illness and suicide when I was in high school, I’m all too familiar with Lorena and Scott’s pain. Yet, thanks to my mother’s brave example and others like Diane Foley, I’m also familiar with those who devote their lives to helping and healing others in the wake of a devastating loss. And that’s exactly what Lorena and her husband have done with Kaitlin’s Heart for Heroes, the nonprofit they’ve founded to honor their daughter’s life and legacy, “stomp out the stigma” associated with the mental-health crisis in the first-responder community, and provide hope, support, and services to first responders and their loved ones.
Many Americans are familiar with the suicide crisis among veterans and active military personnel. Yet far fewer are aware of the crisis among our nation’s first responders, the roughly 4.5 million police officers, firefighters, emergency medical technicians (EMTs), and paramedics who are first on the scene in an emergency or crisis. Sadly, a recent study by the Ruderman Family Foundation found that “first responders (policemen and firefighters) are more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty.” The report describes the “shame and stigma surrounding mental health within professions that prioritize bravery and toughness.” Moreover, the public remains “largely unaware of these issues, since the vast majority of first responder suicides are not covered by the mainstream media.”
I spoke with Lorena Bergan, whom I’ve known for more than 40 years, this week by telephone from her home in Ankeny, Iowa, where she and her husband were preparing for their trip to Texas and the unveiling of the memorial that will bear their daughter’s name and honor her life of service. It was a lovely, early Autumn afternoon in the heartland—and Lorena’s voice was full of hope, gratitude, and, most of all, commitment to her daughter’s legacy.
MJ: There’s a million things I’d like to say to you just as a friend. First, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know that your daughter, Kaitlin, like many first responders, suffered from PTSD, before her death in April 2022.
LB: She also had anxiety and was suffering from depression. And we didn’t know. We had no idea.
As a lot of first responders do.
Yes.
Since then, you and your husband, Scott, have shown great strength and perseverance. You’re honoring her and caring for other first responders. Your nonprofit, Kaitlin’s Heart for Heroes, is a beautiful legacy. Can you tell me about the nonprofit, how it got started, and why it’s so important?
So how that started was when you have a loss like that, you initially have your funeral, and it’s hard to remember the details of that because of course, you’re kind of in shock. But when we did that, we of course received some funds. And Scott and I are at a point in our lives where—Kaitlin being the youngest of our three kids—we didn’t really need the money. So we thought, what should we do with this? Do we honor her with a scholarship? Do we just stick a bench somewhere? She achieved so much and did so many different activities—what do we do?
So I reached out to a friend who did some work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We thought we might donate it to a group like that. So she stopped over and we had a conversation. And she said, “Have you ever thought of doing your own foundation?” And I said, “What are you talking about? No, no. Why would I do that?” And she said, “Why wouldn’t you?” And that’s how it started. We told her a little bit about how we didn’t really know what happened to Kaitlin, and this had just hit us out of the blue. We didn’t know she was suffering. We didn’t really even know what PTSD was, other than people that go to war often return with it. And she said, “Well, she was a first responder. What are your thoughts about supporting them?” And once I heard it, I knew that’s what we needed to do. Because there wasn’t much support in our home state of Iowa. There were groups for suicide prevention and survivors. But there wasn’t anything in our state geared toward first responders. All those men and women, they don’t hesitate to help, and yet they really can’t help themselves. They don’t think about themselves. They’re a different breed. They just are.
That’s for sure. Did you experience stigma?
The firefighter groups we reached out to initially were hesitant because her death was a suicide. We felt the stigma immediately. They said, “Well, she didn’t pass away in the line of duty.” And I said, “What difference does that make?” I didn’t understand. To them it was a big difference. But I learned quickly. And I got angry; I’ll admit it. I said, “So if you take your life, what happens before that just doesn’t matter? You don’t care that Kaitlin was a firefighter for five years and a paramedic? Wow, thanks for nothing!” I mean, I was mad.
And then we found First H.E.L.P., an amazing nonprofit that honors the service of first responders who die by suicide and cares for their families in the aftermath of their death. Or I should say, they found us. To be fair, some kind soul I was complaining to put us in touch with them. He said, “They might be able to do something for you. In fact, I know they will. You’re going to hear from them.” I was ready to just give up. But then I got the call, and it was Karen Solomon, the co-founder of First H.E.L.P, and she put me in touch with another person who had a loss in the fire community. And from there, it was amazing because they understood—100 percent—what we were going through. Eventually we attended a First H.E.L.P. annual family retreat in Texas, where we met families just like us. It was amazing. And now we’re attending the fifth annual retreat, where they will unveil the monument that will honor Kaitlin and so many others.
Wow.
They truly saved us. I couldn’t believe it. Scott and I were in shock. And that is what we based our foundation, Kaitlin’s Heart for Heroes, on—the lessons we learned from the wonderful people at First H.E.L.P. We’ve made lifelong friends, who’ve lived through what we lived through. The experience has saved our entire family, our boys, too, who are in their 30s. They, of course, were traumatized by their sister’s death.
What do they do at the family retreat? How do they help families?
Well, they give you someone to talk to, which is very important. First, they break you into groups. So Scott and I as a couple went in with the couples. If you lost your husband, you go in with the widows. If you’re a sibling, like our son Bradley, you go with the sibling group. Brad came with us the first time and it was incredible. They are just amazing. Brad is the quietest person you’ll ever meet. He's a sweet, sweet young man. He doesn’t have many friends here. But in the sibling group he absolutely blossomed. They got him to talk about his sister, and everything, and he’s never been happier. Those are his new sibs.
Beautiful.
It is. It’s the most beautiful thing. That’s what we all needed—to find our place. And that’s where it is. It’s in Texas. So what I’ve done is taken some of what they’re doing and brought it to Iowa in a preventative way. The family retreat in Texas is more about loss and healing and helping survivors with their grieving. What we’re trying to do with Kaitlin’s Heart for Heroes is to work more on the prevention side, breaking through the stigma in the first responder community to get people the help and support they need before they end their life. Because if there’s a loss, we know where to send them. But we want to provide counseling and support and understanding before families become survivors.
But you’re working with First H.E.L.P now? You see them as mentors in the early stages of your foundation?
Yes, absolutely. With their blessing, their help, they’ve guided us. And they’re willing to come and support and help us any way they can. They know what they’re doing and they get people from all across the country at their events. Everyone gets together and we compare notes. What are you doing on the West Coast? What are you doing on the East Coast? What’s going on in the Midwest? It’s amazing what folks are doing to fight stigma and save our first responders.
I know you’re just starting all this up, but the idea is: If I am a firefighter in Iowa and I’m feeling despondent or suicidal and I can’t talk to my family or fellow firefighters about it, I contact you and … what happens next?
All they have to do is reach out to us through our Facebook page or send an email and we can put them in touch with a therapist confidentially or point them in the right direction for group therapy or other services provided by mental health professionals and other support groups out there. We want to set up whatever they feel comfortable with so everybody feels safe. That’s the number one thing. We’re not here to out anybody. We’re here to share our story and talk if that’s what they need, or just listen. We also intend to help firefighters, especially in rural areas, apply for grants and get the funding they need for better training or classes or support not offered by their departments.
So, knowing that stigma exists, you’re offering a lifeline so people can reach out for help?
Yes.
And they’re not going to be afraid that their commanding officer or fire chief will reprimand them.
Hopefully they’re not like that. I’ve only met maybe one that was like that. Most of the chiefs are pretty giving, and there’s a change happening. We’re seeing it. The stigma is not as terrible as it once was, thanks to groups like First H.E.L.P and their sister organizations Red H.E.L.P. and Blue H.E.L.P. and more attention in the media.
That’s good news. Why don’t you tell me more about what you guys are doing this weekend in Texas, and why it’s so healing.
Sure. So we are headed to the city of Rockwall, Texas—and again, this is led by Karen Solomon and her team at First H.E.L.P—to unveil the only monument in America honoring first responders and military veterans lost to suicide, including our daughter, Kaitlin Marie Bergan. You have to remember, for most of her adult life, Kaitlin was a volunteer firefighter, so she didn’t get paid. She got paid for her job as a paramedic, but not as a firefighter. She did it because this was in her soul. She did it because she wanted nothing more than to help people. So just to honor her… even though she’s not here… she’s here. She’s in our heart. At this beautiful monument, where her name is etched, along with so many others, we get to see it and touch it.
Wonderful.
She’s finally being honored.
I’m so happy that you found Karen Solomon and First H.E.L.P and that you guys are doing this together. You’ve already helped so many people just by talking about Kaitlin. You can’t underestimate how important that is. By telling your story, you’ve been helping others from day one.
Well, good! That’s what we want to do. What we have to do! I feel like Kaitlin had her mission, and now we have our mission. And we’re not going to stop. No matter what happens next, we’re not going to stop. We’re going to keep going.
Thank you Mike; I had no idea.
Thank you for writing this article. As a first responder myself, I’ve been there. Many of us are fighting to end the stigma and provide much needed support for our colleagues. I’m fortunate to work for an organization that prioritizes mental health, but there are many that are not so fortunate. Kaitlin was an incredible person and I’m so happy her memory is being honored in such a beautiful way.